


you're crazy (try a cucumber)

by Danny_R



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Mild Language, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Pseudo-Incest, Tentacle Sex, Tentacles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-11-03 23:26:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17887118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danny_R/pseuds/Danny_R
Summary: Yep, this is tentacle porn. That's it. Please, enjoy.





	you're crazy (try a cucumber)

They were fooling around back then. You know, stealing glances, rare kisses when nobody saw, some third base stuff. Nothing serious.  
  
If someone asked whether Klaus loved Ben or not, he would say yes, sure, Ben was his mate. But that was all. No dick in the ass business.  
  
The thing was... Klaus has watched anime. It was the 2000s after all. Not some Naruto shit or other shonen stuff obviously. Mostly hentai. Yeah, mostly yaoi, you guessed it. So he knew. And he was pretty sure Ben also knew. It was kinda difficult to ignore. All the girls (and some guys) running from the monster. And then all that happens so fast, there are so much saliva and other physiological liquids. Not very sexy, to be fair. But! It was Ben, not some scary octopus. It changed things.  
  
Klaus told this to Ben. Cause he was telling everything to everyone. Not many people wanted to listen but Ben always did.  
  
"No, dude", Ben shook his head in disbelief.  
  
Klaus cheerfully smiled while sucking on a bright pink lollipop.  
  
"No, dude, you're gonna die. Like literal awful death from your organs slashed to pieces".  
  
"Yeah. maybe", he shrugged. "But it's worth the shot".  
  
"Wha-at? Having something up your ass worth being torn apart?"  
  
"Dunno. Maybe".  
  
Ben rolled his eyes.  
  
"You're crazy. Try a cucumber".  
  
"Crazy, yep, just a little bit". He showed a small distance between his thumb and index finger.  
  
Ben looked him right in the eyes and mouthed a no.  
  
Finita la Commedia.  
  
They didn't do it.  
  
Ben died. Tragic.  
  
Klaus had been crying for a year.  
  
Very sad, has nothing to do with our story though.  
  
And it was all so fucking sad as we agreed until it wasn't.  
  
The apocalypse was over. They rebuild the Academy. Klaus stayed there cause honestly, he had nowhere to go. Ben was also there. It was Klaus he was following around after all. They had these new powers and they were testing it any free moment. Considering every moment of their life was free, they did it a lot. You know, it's like jerking off. You just start fooling around every time you feel bored or sad.  
  
"Hey", Klaus sad scratching his head. "Do you remember that time we were teens when I suggested something interesting?"  
  
"Jumping off the cliff? Stealing from a homeless man to buy a beer? Going to a strip club?"  
  
The wave of nostalgia suddenly hit Klaus. Ben could probably continue to the end of the day.  
  
"Yeah, those were the good times. No, something else. Twas about my private parts, your private parts, you know, that kinda stuff".  
  
Klaus gestured vaguely.  
  
"Are you talking about that time you asked me to tear your asshole apart with my powers?"  
  
That part about tearing asshole apart was unbelievably sexy. Klaus would lie saying he'd never imagined that. He did. And there were times he would feel guilty about that. Incest, necrophilia. Not a joke, is it? Big words. Even bigger no-nos.  
  
Klaus moved closer to Ben and whispered trying to sound as sexy as he can:  
  
"I want my asshole so full that I would beg you to stop"  
  
Ben laughed. Klaus was deeply hurt. He almost came into his pants, so hot was his voice. Maybe Ben was just not into dirty talk.  
  
"Dude, I'm trying to be sexy here".  
  
"Well, you fucked up that mission, bro".  
  
"So no filling my ass with tentacles?"  
  
Ben smiled wickedly.  
  
"I haven't said that".  
  
In thoughts, Klaus was already in the shower doing all the necessary stuff and trying to find lube.  
  
Lube was found. All the preparations were done. Pogo was sent to an antic store to buy some chandelier. Klaus adored those.  
  
As expected, they had no idea what to do next. In hentai, it all just kinda happens. There is a girl, there is a monster. And suddenly all the holes are full of seafood or chthonic limbs. And saliva, don't forget about saliva!  
  
Klaus was lying on the bed in all of his naked glory. Ben was sitting awkwardly at the foot of the bed. Transparent, blueish tentacles were all around him. And then what?  
  
The first one moved to clasp Klaus's ankle. Wasn't that pleasurable but not bad. Nice feeling. The other one slowly patted his inner thigh. It was better. His dick twitched.  
  
"Do it again!"  
  
And then all the fun started.  
  
Ben was becoming more and more confident with his powers.  
  
All of a sudden tentacles lifted Klaus in the air so that he lost all control over his body. That was hot. Much hotter than jerking off while strangling yourself with a belt. He saw nothing and heard nothing - all was blank. The white lightning of desire shot through his spine and stayed there. As cheesy as it sounds.  
  
"Get it done already, my dude", Klaus half moaned.  
  
Two of the tentacles sucked on his nipples and it was so much better than electrocuting yourself with forceps on the nipps. Klaus loved experimenting with those things. One time he almost died. Ok, maybe not once.  
  
A-and finally it happened. One tentacle slowly found his way to the asshole. Unlike hentai, it was not soaking wet. But Klaus was stretched enough to take it. Then other tentacles were searching his body and leaving light bruises. It was amazing: faint touches all over the place, his tongue licking one of the limbs. And the other was still working on the entry.  
  
Klaus was crucified and floating in the hot air of the bedroom. His emotions were on the edge. When one of the limbs touched his dick Klaus screamed. But it was only beginning. Then that one tentacle find a prostate. It was it. It was the sex. T H E S E X. If every dude had tentacles instead of dicks it would be the perfect world to live in.  
  
Ben asked something but Klaus didn't hear.  
  
"More, Bennito! Fuck me harder!"  
  
A limb penetrated him further. It was too much of a pleasure. He felt that in his toes. He felt it everywhere. The other one was sliding up and down his dick. Whatever Ben was doing it was amazing. So-so good! Up and down. Up and down. Not forgetting about the prostate also.   
  
Klaus came with a scream. Cum was all around the covers. Then he fell on the bed. He even forgot that was floating.  
  
Ben had sweat on his forehead. Klaus kissed him almost chastely. Nice contrast, you know, after tentacle sex. Ben's lips were dry. He was visibly tired.  
  
"So-o, a quick handjob or?.." Klaus offered. Like a nice person he was.    
  
"No, man, I'm exhausted".  
  
"We should do it again, don't you think?"  
  
"No way, I feel like I got hit by a truck".  
  
"And if I ask nicely?"  
  
Ben gave him a look. But we all know that he will accept the offer sooner or later.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a native speaker. Desperately searching for a beta reader. Please, find me, dear beta!  
> 


End file.
